| My parenting route was not as I had predicted. I would | | | | scare him, but they also seemed to hurt him. I tried to |
| like to share my experience in the hope that another | | | | train Alex to put ear plugs in when things bothered him, |
| parent may read this and feel not so alone and | | | | but this proved very trying and non-successful. Alex |
| scared. To me, Autism is not a disorder, but a unique | | | | could more easily put his hands over his ears than put |
| way of life. I did not always feel this way, nor did I | | | | ear plugs in. Nevertheless, trial and error was |
| foresee that Autism would be a blessing, not a | | | | necessary to find what would work for him. During the |
| hindrance, for me. | | | | ear plug training, Alex put his hands to his ears and I did |
| "Your son has Autism." These four words change | | | | the same. I quickly removed my hands and smiled. |
| your life and your whole perception of the world | | | | Alex did the same. For the next few months, I put my |
| around you. If you are like me, I had no idea what | | | | hands on my ears whenever I saw Alex do it. I would |
| those four words meant when I first heard them. Part | | | | quickly remove my hands and Alex would do the |
| of me wanted to disbelieve. Part of me wanted to cry. | | | | same. My son's imitation skills were excellent. I knew |
| Part of me was angry. I was incredibly confused. | | | | that this was the best he could manage at that time. I |
| However, I was quickly grounded when my dear | | | | figured that this was a success when trying to deal |
| friend, Linda, looked at me and questioned why I was | | | | with a sensitivity that I could only imagine what it was |
| crying. "This doesn't change how you feel about Alex*. | | | | like. Sensory sensitivities are very complex, and should |
| And it certainly doesn't change how he feels about | | | | not be treated lightly. I once worked with a girl who |
| you. It only means that you now know what it is, and | | | | was very light sensitive. She would come into the |
| doors will open for services needed to help him." I was | | | | classroom, sit at her desk and close her eyes. Of |
| truly blessed to have someone say this to me. It | | | | course, everyone tried to make her open her eyes |
| brought me back from the "Flight" mode and into the | | | | and keep them open. With this, the girl would squint and |
| "fight" mode. A fight to help my son. | | | | at times, throw items at people. She was clearly not |
| The first thing was to learn as much about Autism as I | | | | enjoying the classroom experience. Her teacher could |
| possibly could. I attended all workshops regarding not | | | | see her discomfort, and allowed her to wear a |
| only Autism, but behaviour management, anxiety, | | | | baseball hat in class. The girl kept her eyes open and |
| sensory sensitivities, toilet training, promoting language, | | | | was much happier. It was important to remember that |
| and skill building. There were several workshops | | | | often the behaviours that are demonstrated are not |
| offered by our Region Support Services at various | | | | done out of malice, but out of discomfort. It is also |
| times throughout the year. As well, there are always | | | | important to keep developing new goals, new |
| speakers visiting the community, offering evening | | | | strategies and new intervention plans. When Alex was |
| workshops and short conferences to those interested. | | | | younger, we focused on speech therapy - expressing |
| In the meantime, my husband and I needed to develop | | | | his wants, desires and making simple requests. As he |
| a profile of the areas of strength, and areas of need in | | | | mastered this, we moved on to social communication |
| our son. It was so easy to point out his needs, while | | | | goals - greetings and conversation skills. This is a never |
| we struggled to find some strengths. Everything was | | | | ending cycle. There are so many hidden skills/talents |
| so hidden beneath his solitude surface. However, with | | | | that come naturally to mainstream children, while they |
| keen observation skills, we could detect the many | | | | all needed to be taught to Alex. Simple body language |
| marvels that existed within our beautiful boy. He | | | | cues were foreign to him. There were times when his |
| worked so hard at everything he did. He always | | | | younger brother became angry and put his hands on |
| wanted to please us, or the gentle dedicated people | | | | his hips and turned his head from Alex. Alex did not |
| who provided therapy to him. We worked together to | | | | seem to notice or care. He just carried on with what |
| complete reasonable goals and objectives for Alex. | | | | he was doing. This is where I needed to start training |
| We needed to determine the areas that we needed | | | | family members on what to do with Alex. He needed |
| to be educated in, as well as the areas that we | | | | to learn that certain body language expressed emotion. |
| needed to focus on. | | | | And, it is truly amazing to watch the eager, patient |
| Needless to say, we also needed to stay in sync with | | | | teaching of one child to another. It really is an invaluable |
| each other. We needed breaks now and then. Without | | | | method. A peer teaching another peer is so very |
| family around, we were fortunate to hire a day care | | | | effective, and should be tried whenever possible. |
| teacher to babysit on a consistent basis. Every | | | | Alex is now a teenager and taking College level |
| second Thursday, we had date night. We would go | | | | courses at high school. He still struggles with social |
| out to dinner and feel comfortable knowing that the | | | | communication but is constantly learning. He questions |
| day care teacher was fully capable to deal with | | | | what he doesn't understand. Alex asks if we are |
| matters at home. Actually, it was harder for me than it | | | | joking when he is confused by sarcasm, teasing or |
| was for Alex to adjust to this. I needed the push to | | | | unapparent humour. Questioning has been essential for |
| get out the door. | | | | Alex, as he now understands that it is okay to ask for |
| However, I was in a learning curve and discovering | | | | clarification. He has transferred this skill into the |
| knowledge as I continued. I learned to set clear ground | | | | classroom and now raises his hand to let the teacher |
| rules and be consistent. I learned to avoid all power | | | | know that he needs to have the lesson explained |
| struggles, and to give choices. Overall, I learned that if I | | | | differently because he doesn't understand. We have |
| remained calm, then this would reflect on Alex, and he | | | | continuous discussions and modelling to help with his |
| would be much calmer. It is always important to | | | | processing skills. |
| remember that our emotion will mirror theirs. I found | | | | To conclude, I don't know where Alex will be ten years |
| that lowering my voice to just above a whisper when | | | | from now, but I do know that he and I will be happy |
| Alex was upset seemed to bring him back down. He | | | | where we are. I look at Alex as the most pure |
| needed to stop screaming to try to hear me. | | | | individual that I know. He has no inhibitions. He is honest. |
| As well, transition times are always unsettling. I learned | | | | He is kind. He would never intentionally hurt someone. |
| to give warnings about what was going to happen, or | | | | When Alex is happy, he actually jumps up and down |
| where we would be going and when. I also built in | | | | and shouts out in glee. When he is sad, he cries with |
| scenarios to let Alex know that sometimes, things | | | | the deepest heartfelt grief that I have ever heard. He |
| change and we would still be fine. Although I was | | | | is pure. I know Alex is wonderful, and people who take |
| trying to keep things predictable for him during the | | | | the time to get to know him, also see what a |
| early years, I knew that I needed to build in flexibility. | | | | remarkable teenager he is. I try to never look back, |
| The world is not a predictable place, and Alex needed | | | | and not to hold grudges against people who have said |
| to learn to be adaptable. He still needed to learn how | | | | things that no mother should ever hear about a son. |
| to cope with those random changes which keep life | | | | Ignorance is not an excuse, but it is out there and has |
| so interesting. We broke things into "big deals" and "little | | | | to be dealt with. My most trusted advice is, and |
| deals". We both learned that there aren't too many life | | | | always will, be that a mother knows her child, and |
| experiences that are really "big deals". Therefore, Alex | | | | needs to follow her gut instincts. If something is |
| learned to shrug off those previous anxiety provoking | | | | problematic for your child, then you set your goal(s), |
| thoughts. | | | | and follow a consistent plan. Every child is unique and |
| However, Alex had some other challenges that I | | | | needs to be nurtured in different ways at different |
| always had to take into consideration. He was auditory | | | | times. Don't give up. Keep smiling and enjoy the |
| sensitive. Alex could hear the planes, trains, | | | | possibilities. The possibilities are endless. You just need |
| ambulances and fire trucks well before anyone else | | | | to discover them. |
| even noticed. Some loud noises not only seemed to | | | | |