| Getting one's needs met and to exist happily in one's | | | | "do you want a cookie?" Developmentally all the child |
| family, community and beyond is dependent on the | | | | can do is mimic the other person. There is no |
| ability to communicate. As non-autistic individuals we | | | | awareness and ability to use the self in response to |
| can use ourselves to communicate our needs and | | | | the other. Thus the end result is a repetition of what |
| express our feelings. The individual with autism | | | | the child heard. |
| depending on his functioning level, has anywhere from | | | | The child who reverses his pronouns and uses 'you' to |
| extremely limited (nonexistent in some) to some ability | | | | mean 'I' is beginning to use his self with others. The |
| to ask for his needs to be met. Some people with | | | | child uses 'you' because it is safer than 'me or I.' The |
| autism seem to communicate by persevering on a | | | | child with autism does not feel safe in the world. |
| topic that seems to not relate at all to whatever the | | | | Everything is confusing, awkward and anxiety |
| topic might be. For example, one child may become | | | | producing. The use of 'you' as it refers to the self is |
| fixated on televisions and only be able to talk about | | | | another example of dissociation. As I mentioned |
| this subject, no matter what else is being discussed. It | | | | before the child is split. As the child develops and he |
| is not unusual for individuals with autism to seem to | | | | becomes less split and gains more agency, he will then |
| come out of "left field" with what they might say. For | | | | move to using the pronoun 'me' and finally as he has |
| example, the topic may be going to the grocery store | | | | more and more access to himself, he will be able to |
| and what will be bought at the store. The child may | | | | use 'I.' There seems to be a direct correlation to the |
| say, "you are pretty." | | | | use of 'I' and ability to know and access feelings and |
| There are also individuals who are nonverbal, those | | | | use them in relationship to others. |
| who use echolalia and still others that can only express | | | | Now lets look at why the communication of individuals |
| their needs by reversing their pronouns. When they | | | | with autism appears inappropriate. First of all, I believe |
| want a cookie to eat, instead of saying "I want a | | | | that an individual with autism is always communicating |
| cookie," the child may say, "you want a cookie." | | | | his state of existence. Unfortunately, most people |
| Let's make sense of what is going on. It is my opinion | | | | perceive these communications from their own |
| that a person with autism has not had the benefit of a | | | | experience, which includes having completed the |
| completed attachment, lacks the ability to use him | | | | attachment process. In working with individuals with |
| herself in relationship to others and is also in a state of | | | | autism, many try to extinguish the "odd" behaviors of |
| dissociation which causes varying degrees of | | | | the child. In doing so, we are not understanding the |
| consciousness and awareness. This incomplete | | | | message the child is trying to communicate through his |
| attachment compromises the child's ability to have | | | | strange behaviors. We in a sense are helping him to |
| relationships and to communicate. Let me explain how | | | | feel misunderstood versus understood and not seen |
| these different elements contribute to not only | | | | versus seen. Instead these communications need to |
| problems in communicating, but also relating to others. | | | | be understood within the context of a child who has |
| It is important to remember that the individual with | | | | never attached and cannot use the self to |
| autism wants to communicate and in fact is always | | | | communicate. Every behavior that the child uses can |
| communicating about himself even though he may be | | | | be understood and must be understood so that the |
| nonverbal, echolalic or reversing pronouns. He is like | | | | child can gain understanding and recognition, which are |
| any human being in that he has a need to | | | | precursors to being able to attach. Our work with the |
| communicate. Unfortunately, because he has had an | | | | person with autism is to understand, validate, accept |
| incomplete attachment, he cannot identify his feelings, | | | | and recognize him. If the caregiver or professional can |
| which are dissociated, and therefore cannot use those | | | | recognize and see the child, then the child can start to |
| feelings to express his needs. In other words, he has | | | | see him or herself. |
| not developed to a level where he has self-agency. | | | | Examples may help to understand what I am |
| This means he literally cannot ask for anything for his | | | | communicating. I visited a three-year-old nonverbal boy, |
| own benefit. This is not a physical problem, but instead | | | | who had never seemed to play appropriately with his |
| a developmental problem that can change over time. | | | | toys. In observing him, I noticed he was picking his lips. |
| It is my opinion, that what one sees with the nonverbal | | | | Instead of telling him not to pick his lips, I said, "you are |
| child with autism is the reverse of what one sees with | | | | telling me that something is going on around your lips |
| a typical child. I call this phenomenon Inside out, upside | | | | and your inability to talk." He looked at me and then |
| down. In other words, the unconscious part of the child | | | | played appropriately with a toy. He had never done |
| is on the outside and the conscious part is in the inside. | | | | this before. Another example will help to highlight this |
| That is why some nonverbal children with autism seem | | | | point. I worked with another boy who liked to watch |
| out of control and low functioning, but with the use of a | | | | videos. He had certain ones he wanted to make sure I |
| computer can communicate beautifully in writing. This is | | | | saw. One day, he showed me a video, which |
| a very good example of the split or dissociation of the | | | | explained a complicated family dynamic. I interpreted |
| self. Most people are unfamiliar with seeing the | | | | the dynamic as it related to his family. As I was able to |
| unconscious. Because most people are unfamiliar with | | | | do that, he could begin to talk about his own personal |
| the workings of the unconscious, individuals with autism | | | | experience. These are examples of how one |
| are constantly misunderstood. | | | | interprets and uses projection with individuals with |
| The phenomenon of echolalia is also something that | | | | autism to help them gain access to their feelings. |
| can be understood. One first needs to remember that | | | | In concluding, I want to restate that the perseverations, |
| the child with autism has minimal and varying | | | | the out of context communications, the use of pronoun |
| (depending on their functioning level) ability to use | | | | reversal, echolalia, and nonverbal communication, to |
| himself in relationship to others. Also it is important to | | | | name only a few, can be understood through the lens |
| remember that an incomplete attachment precludes | | | | of an Incomplete Attachment which leaves the |
| one from being able to use one's self. Thus echolalia is | | | | individual in a state of waiting for a completed |
| the result of not being able to use one's self. The child | | | | attachment and without access to himself or what I |
| only has access to what they hear. They may hear | | | | call self-agency. |