Do All Children Need the Same Things?

- Loveholidays impossible, they are not able to function away
- Securityfrom their usual residence and daily routine. It is possible
- Routinesto prepare them for change and in that sense change
- Predictabilityshould be part of the routine. A system of preparation
- Safetyfor change alerts them that something different is
- Trustgoing to happen. If they are always prepared and
Very young children will react badly to change andsupported through any change in the same way, they
chaos. Older children will learn ways of managingbegin to trust that system to keep them safe.
change, some learn to live with chaos.Predictability. From a very young age children can
Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders or otherpredict what will happen next. When they hear or see
disorders that affect their mental and emotionaltheir parents come into the room they expect / predict
processing abilities find it extremely difficult to copethat they will be spoken to or picked up. When they
with even the smallest changes to their everyday lives.smell food they predict that they will be fed. They
Children are naturally resilient, they have a good rangehave a nightly bath and expect to go to bed after it.
of coping skills, they rely on their parents to keep themSoon their ability to predict what happens next
safe and to put boundaries in place that allow them toexpends to all sorts of things and places. If they are
test the water from time to time, without falling in.visiting another home and they smell food, they will
Children with ASD do not develop coping skills in thepredict that they will get food, a night time bath will
same way as other children. They are no able tomean bed, they may be unsettled but they can be
transfer learning from one experience to another orreassured and they do cope.
from one place or person to another.e.g. Your childrenChildren with ASD are unable to predict what will
quickly learn that most friends and relatives havehappen next but they do rely on routines, however,
similar rules in the house, that all cars do the same tingthey are unable to predict that these routines will work
regardless of colour and that there is more than onein another setting. They can't predict that a visit to
way to the supermarket.another house will work out pretty much the same as
Children with ASD experience every day as thoughbeing at home.
things were happening for the first time. They doSafety, a sense of safety is developed through
eventually learn daily family routines but are dependentexperiences of trying new things with loving support
on things happening in the same way at the samefrom parents and from parents being there to meet
time. Changing the colour of the child's toothbrush canthe daily needs and attend to any upsets or accidents.
cause huge distress, because a child with ASD isChildren feel safe around their parents ad other known
unable to transfer his knowledge about his oldadults because thy have learned that these adults can
toothbrush to the new one. The same thing happens ifmake things O.K. for them.
the family usually goes to the supermarket along oneChildren with ASD, usually don't develop a sense of
particular road and then one day, they go a differenttrusting adults to make things O.K., they rely on routines
way and all hell breaks loose in the car because theor particular behaviours or places to make them feel
child with ASD does not realise that they will still get toO.K. They may respond better to one adult rather than
the supermarket. To him the world has turned upsideanother, but often see other people as no more than a
down. He no longer feels safe or secure, he can'tmeans to an end. However, they do realise that they
work out what will happen next.feel better / safe when they do certain things or go to
Very young children show similar tendencies whena particular place, e.g. a favourite chair.
things change from the usual, but they are usuallyTrust, children learn to trust other people and
easily soothed and can understand that things are O.K.,themselves, they learn what they can and can't
they trust that their parents will make everything workmanage to do, they learn that people will allow them to
out. They remember the experience and can draw ondo certain things and will react in predictable ways. All
it to make sense of another similar experience later on.being well they learn to trust that they will be cared for,
The child with ASD cannot make use of knowledge orthat things will be O.K. even if tea is half an hour late or
experience in the same way. They rely on samenessin a friends house. They know that one sweater will
for their security and can only manage change if theykeep them as warm as another, they trust that Dad
are well prepared for it, one step at a time with visualwill collect them, even if he is five minutes late, they
aids and cues to help them keep track of what iswait, trusting that he will come.
happening. A surprise party or event would be theThe child with ASD does not learn to trust in the same
very worst thing you could do for a child with ASD.way, he relies on routines and rituals to make him feel
Love - all children need to be loved and feel loved, justsafe, he does not understand that Mum will arrive to
don't expect your child with ASD to show love for youcollect him even if she is five minutes late. If Mum is
or anyone else - if he does it's a bonus.five minutes late he has already lost his sense of
Security - all children need security, they need to knowsecurity and trust, he can't predict that she will come.
that you are there, and will do what you say you willTo him it's then end of the world because she is not
do, they need you to behave in a way that isthere.
predictable and consistent. The child with ASD needsAll children do need the same things, some will learn to
this predictability and consistency in order to makeadapt to life changes and grow within a framework of
each day bearable.love, security, routine, predictability, safety and trust,
Routines, all children thrive on routines, they like to beeventually becoming independent adults capable of
fed at the same time, go to bed and get up at theproviding these things for their own children.
same time, they like things to be done the same way.Children and people with ASD, however, will almost
As they get older you can change the routine, they'llalways need the love and support of others to help
cope, and even enjoy it, e.g. a family holiday.them cope with the changes of life, their security and
The child with ASD, will not cope with changes tosafety depends on others managing their routines and
routine and frequently these children make familymaking life predictable for them.