| Our relationship with companion animals | | | | very real problem and was a major contributory factor |
| The relationship between people and animals has | | | | in the establishment of the Pet Bereavement Support |
| changed in more recent times. “Pets” have | | | | Service. |
| become “companion animals”, describing a more | | | | Coping |
| mutual relationship. We derive many benefits beyond | | | | The death of a pet is very upsetting, and it is important |
| companionship. Caring for them helps maintain our own | | | | to allow yourself to grieve. Don't feel embarrassed |
| health, they play a key role in our daily routines and | | | | about crying. It helps when you release these intense |
| leisure activities, they act as social lubricants, they | | | | emotions. If grief is freely expressed, healing time is |
| stabilize our lives with their constant presence and | | | | greatly reduced. When the expression of grief is |
| unconditional devotion, and help us through rough times. | | | | inhibited, recovery takes longer. |
| Many owners consider their companion animals to be | | | | On the Internet you will also find a number of moving |
| a family member. | | | | poems. “Rainbow Bridge” is one example. Briefly, |
| Death is an inevitable part of pet ownership because | | | | this says that dogs go to a place outside the gates to |
| of their relatively short life spans. It's something that will | | | | Heaven. Their illnesses are cured, old dogs become |
| affect most of us at some time, yet despite the | | | | young again, and they play together happily, waiting for |
| unavoidability, when it happens it takes us completely | | | | the arrival of the owner they left behind so that they |
| by surprise, and the shock and grief becomes a very | | | | can enter Heaven together. I’m not sure that I |
| personal affair that we may struggle to deal with. | | | | believe in Heaven, but the imagery makes me very |
| The Death | | | | emotional, and I hope my dog has found Rainbow |
| The grief felt by the loss of a pet is unique, and can | | | | Bridge. If you need to cry, find and read this poem. |
| elicit strong feelings that often parallel the grief | | | | Try to remember your pet in whichever way helps: |
| response to the loss of a human companion. It is | | | | talk about them, look at their photos, or write about |
| natural to feel shock, disbelief, numbness, anger, pain, | | | | them. I wrote a letter to my dog. I knew he would |
| hurt, sadness, guilt and overwhelming grief. | | | | never read it, but it helped me to say goodbye. I |
| The loss of a pet may have many more implications | | | | needed to tell him how proud I had been of him, how |
| other than the loss of companionship. The absence of | | | | much I had enjoyed our time together, and apologise |
| the pet often creates secondary disruptions such as | | | | for the occasions when I had been annoyed or |
| the loss of enjoyable past times. There may also be | | | | didn’t have the time to play. |
| “symbolic loss” where the pet represented a | | | | In a family, there may be differences in the way that |
| last link with special people, or times. If the pet’s | | | | people express their grief, and this can create conflict |
| death removes those links, old losses are re-grieved in | | | | due to a lack of understanding of what others are |
| conjunction with current ones. | | | | feeling. It’s very important to talk with family |
| Things are often made worse by the total lack of | | | | members, and share your feelings. My letter to my dog |
| understanding from those who believe the loss means | | | | helped my wife to better understand how I was |
| nothing. We live in a society where speaking about | | | | feeling. |
| death is keenly avoided, yet an estimated 75% of | | | | Sometimes other people do not recognise the extent |
| owners experience difficulties after pets die. | | | | to which the loss of your pet may be affecting you. It |
| Euthanasia | | | | is not uncommon to hear comments like “it was |
| Euthanasia literally means “good death”, but | | | | only a dog”, or “you can easily get another |
| coming to terms with the loss of a pet may be | | | | one”. It is important for you to have someone who |
| particularly difficult if you were in the position of having | | | | knows from personal experience how distressing the |
| to have them put to sleep. Many people will | | | | loss of a pet can be, and who will listen with |
| experience feelings of guilt. You may ask yourself | | | | compassion and without judgement. The Blue Cross, |
| whether you did the right thing, or re-examine what | | | | Britain's pet charity, runs the Pet Bereavement Support |
| more you could I have done. This is normal. I am sure | | | | Service and telephone help line (0800 096 6606). |
| you will have done all that you could, which is the most | | | | Volunteers who are trained to deal with pet |
| we can ever do. | | | | bereavement problems provide advice and counselling. |
| Making that decision shows the enormous amount of | | | | Don’t be too proud to ask for help. |
| love you had for your pet, and your ability to put their | | | | There are many Internet web sites where you can |
| well being before your own thoughts of loss. When a | | | | create a memorial - just a few words to record your |
| pet we love is ill and suffering, there is no other choice | | | | sorrow and love. It helps you release your feelings, and |
| but making the decision to have their life ended. | | | | appreciate there are many other people who feel the |
| Grieving | | | | same way. |
| Grieving is a process not an event. The process | | | | Don’t rush into any decisions as you may do |
| consists of a number of stages: disbelief, pain, anger, | | | | something you will regret. Tidy away their things if it |
| guilt and acceptance. | | | | helps you, but don’t dispose of them. Some people |
| Immediately after the death of a pet, the owner often | | | | will want to get another pet, but don't do this too |
| feels shock or denial. It may be hard to accept the | | | | quickly as you need time to come to terms with your |
| animal is no longer with us. Our homes may feel very | | | | loss. |
| empty, and our days long any lonely. | | | | Closure |
| The middle phases involves emotional pain, and | | | | When we lose a person we love, they would ultimately |
| feelings of guilt, anger and depression. This is the time | | | | want us to move on with our lives and be as happy |
| when you need the support of family and friends. | | | | as we can. It is the same when we loose a loved |
| There is often no clear beginning or end to the grieving | | | | pet - they too would want us to move on, be happy, |
| process. Each person grieves differently. You may get | | | | and remember the good times with them. |
| stuck in one phase, or skip others. Healing will take a | | | | Although coming to terms with the loss of a loved pet |
| dissimilar amount of time for each individual. | | | | can be devastating, it is also a reflection of the |
| The last stage of the process is acceptance and | | | | pleasure they brought to us during their life. The pain |
| recovery. You may still experience sadness, but you | | | | and sadness will diminish. |
| will have accepted the reality of the loss of your pet, | | | | If you have a lot of love and caring to give to another |
| and can look back with happiness on the many | | | | pet, that would be a really good thing to do – but |
| pleasant memories of your time together. | | | | when the time is right for you. You pet would want |
| Occasionally, grief can remain unresolved. This is a | | | | you to love again. |